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“WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT GIVING”
Karol Emmerich - October 1999,
I've been asked to share what I've learned about giving. I need to preface my remarks by saying that although I've been at it for more than 20 years, it's
usually taken the back seat to job and family. I'm not yet an expert. But I'm well along the journey and may have some insights and experiences which you'll find helpful.
I believe effective giving requires three things:
- getting one's heart prepared
- getting one's mind prepared
- and practicing or experimenting.
Or in the current vernacular: "get your heart right, your mind right, and then just do it."
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I'd like to start with the heart, since it's the most important element of giving. And the best instructor of all on this subject is God! His word has a lot to say
about money - more than any other subject, I believe.
There are FIVE THINGS TO REMEMBER:
First, ALL THAT WE ARE AND ALL THAT WE HAVE HAS BEEN GIVEN TO US BY GOD (I Chronicles 29:14).
Second, EVERYTHING WE HAVE BELONGS TO HIM. We are merely stewards of God's treasure, and all of it should be used to glorify Him. When we give money to God's work, we are only giving back what
is His.
Third, TREASURE SENT TO HEAVEN LASTS FOREVER. Unlike treasure on earth,
treasure in heaven is not affected by thieves or moths or lawsuits or poor financial markets or bad investments or crooked advisors or confiscatory taxes or squabbling heirs. We're told in the Bible that our thoughts and hearts are generally in the place where our treasure is. Since people are the only treasure which can make it to Heaven, I'm trying to focus my time and my giving there.
Fourth, GOD DOESN'T NEED OUR MONEY. He can fulfill His purposes without our money. After all, how much money do you think the apostles had?
However, He gives us the opportunity and the privilege to participate in His purposes through our giving.
Fifth, OUR WILLINGNESS AND OUR OBEDIENCE ARE WHAT MATTER TO HIM. I believe that at different points in our lives God may ask us to give up
something which is important to us. It might be money, it might be a job, or any number of other things. Why? Perhaps because He wants to know where our heart is, or because He wants US to know where our heart is, or because He has a different path for us to follow.
What's our
initial reaction to being asked to give up something? If you're like me, you might flinch a bit, look at the downside, all of the negative consequences. But what's God's track record? Is it one where the obedient believer is left in misery? Not hardly. In fact, He very often gives us back much more than we've given up, although it may take a different form. What's most important to Him is whether or not we're WILLING to do it if He asks.
This point is well-illustrated in the familiar story of Abraham and his beloved son Isaac. You'll remember that God told Abraham to take Isaac to the mountain to be sacrificed. Although
Abraham's heart was breaking, he obeyed. We know the ending. God sent the ram to be sacrificed instead, and mightily blessed Abraham because of his faithfulness.
Contrast this with the story of the rich young ruler who asked Jesus
how he could have eternal life. Jesus told him to sell everything and give it to the poor. Jesus saw that the young man's money was taking the place of God. The young ruler decided he couldn't bear to part with his riches and sadly went on his way. Just imagine how different his life would have been if he had said YES to Jesus.
Seven years ago, I felt God's call to make a major
change in my life. As the top financial officer of the $20 billion Dayton Hudson Corporation (the owner of Target, Mervyn's and Marshall Field), I was one of the highest ranking women in Corporate America. I had a salary well into six figures, was written about in many books and national publications, and cited as one of the women executives ready to run Corporate America. For months, I wrestled with the consequences of leaving my job, as well as all that I'd be giving up. My concerns included leaving people I really cared about alone among the wolves and disappointing women across the country who saw me as a role model, trailblazer, advocate and friend.
What did I think I'd be giving up? Just little things like money, power and respect.
Let me elaborate, starting with MONEY. I always thought that the main thing I was good at for God was making money and giving it to His work. My
husband and I gave away an amount about equal to my take-home pay. Leaving my job would mean walking away from compensation plans worth millions, and therefore walking away from the ability to give that to God's work. In fact, I anticipated that the job change I'd be making would take my income to ZERO. I wasn't at all sure that having ME - my time, my energy - would be as valuable to God as having my money. After all, our donations were equal to the salaries of SEVERAL Christian workers. Did God really believe that ONE of me was worth losing SEVERAL of them?
I was also concerned about giving up my PLATFORM. What I valued most
about being well-known was the opportunity it gave me to speak to many different groups of people. There would almost always be an opportunity to include an appropriate spiritual component or challenge. I figured that if I gave up my job, I'd give up my platform to talk about God. Similarly, I thought I'd be giving up RESPECT. I felt that leaving my job would make me a nobody at best, and a religious nut at worst, in the eyes of most people I felt God was calling me to minister to. I felt that God had given me insights and wisdom which were worth sharing. But it would all be wasted, since no one would ever again want to listen to anything I had to say.
No money, no power, no respect. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff.
But look at whose arms I'd be jumping into. I figured God had something good in mind for me, but I didn't know HOW since I wouldn't be using anything from my past.
So what happened? Please understand that I don't believe God will necessarily reward us tangibly on this earth for being faithful. In fact, His way is often costly, and I fully expected to pay
a very high price.
And I certainly didn't make one of those "bargains" like: "God, I'll leave my job for You if You do x, y and z for me." I believed that the most likely scenario was that it was going to be just me, God, my family, a few friends and my garden for the rest of my life. Not a bad life, but not one which seemed like it would make much of a difference for God.
To make a long story short, in the first 2-1/2 years after I left Dayton Hudson, I did about six weeks of paid work a year as a corporate
director yet earned about 75% of what I would have made had I stayed. And my husband's income more than doubled. I'm as highly regarded in our community as ever, and now that I'm a nobody, God's given me far more opportunities to talk about Him - to many more people and in a much deeper, more meaningful way - than I ever did when I had a platform. Opportunities for giving and for ministry have grown beyond anything I could ever have imagined. What was important to Him was my willingness and obedience.
GOD'S WORD HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD GIVE (II Corinthians 8 and 9) We should give:
- WITH GRATITUDE AND GLORY TO GOD
- CHEERFULLY, JOYFULLY, WITH DELIGHT, WITH ENTHUSIASM, WITH LOVE, because the sight of someone in need awakens a desire that can't be stilled until we do something.
- WILLINGLY, AND NOT UNDER PRESSURE
- SIMPLY, AND WITHOUT PRETENSE
- WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE. God wants us to give for the sake of helping, rather than to make us feel better, or assuage some feeling of guilt, or to give us a feeling of prestige. Giving
should be
"other-centered" rather than "self-centered". Some people I know will give a lot more than they would otherwise if an organization will name a building after them. The Bible tells us that those who give to get prestige already have their reward. If an organization offers to do that for you, should you turn it down? There are no easy answers. I think about how much things can change over the years. For example, most of the well-known universities in the East were founded by devout Christians, who would be appalled at much of what is taught there today. Imagine your family name on an art building at a Christian college which chooses at some point in the future to house sacrilegious art.
- Giving ANONYMOUSLY is a fine idea, but there may be times when God wants you to be open about it as an encouragement to others. Just make
sure that's the real reason and that you've heard from God.
- LIBERALLY, sacrificially, not just our leftovers. This spirit prevailed in the early church, where property owners often sold all they had and shared the proceeds with other Christians in
need. You'll remember there was indeed DESPERATE need because of the level of persecution against Christians. Their example is a challenge to us. What
is our responsibility to our brothers and sisters in Christ all over the world who are suffering for their beliefs? Do we support them with our prayers? Do we support them financially? How big do you suppose the gap is between OUR definition of liberal giving and that of the early church? Between our definition and God's?
- PROPORTIONATELY, i.e. those who have more should give more in absolute terms, as well as in percentage of income or net worth terms.
- OUT OF WHAT WE HAVE, NOT WHAT WE HAVEN'T. We should not give or commit to give so much that it causes us to go deeply into debt. One couple in my extended family loves to give money to
God's work. Their hearts break for people, so much so that a few years ago they went deeper and deeper into debt on their charge cards, personal loans, and
mortgage so that they could support missionaries. God says in II Corinthians 8:12 that He doesn't want us to get ourselves into that kind of mess.
- Making firm commitments when the source of the funds isn't clear is putting God on the spot, "testing" Him to do a miracle to bail us out.
It's not a good way to show our respect for Him, unless He has clearly spoken to us about it. On the other hand, I like the idea of a "faith promise", where we will give more if we are unexpectedly blessed financially.
- WITH FAITH
- FAIRLY
- THOUGHTFULLY, WISELY, SEEKING GOD'S COUNSEL and perhaps that of fellow believers
- IN PARTNERSHIP WITH OTHERS (I Corinthians 16:2)
- And finally, WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT THE RECIPIENT WILL PRAISE GOD FOR OUR HELP, BE ACCOUNTABLE, AND NOT HAVE AN EASY TIME AT OUR EXPENSE
For some people, giving comes easily. That's because they have what's called the spiritual gift of giving - a marvelous gift bestowed on them by God at the time they became a believer. It is
the God-given ability to contribute money and resources to the work of the Lord with cheerfulness and liberality. People with this gift don't ask "How much do I need to
give to God?", but "How much money do I need to live on?" It sometimes includes the ability to earn and invest money. This gift is not confined to the rich. Remember the story of the widow's "mite" - the poor woman Jesus speaks about in Luke 21:1 who comes to the temple and drops two small copper coins in the collection box. "This poor widow has given more than all the rest of the rich combined, who conspicuously tossed their gifts into the box. For they have given a little of what they didn't need, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has."
Even if you don't have the "gift" of giving, God wants, and yes,
commands each of us to give. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, "Can you, who have been so generously treated by God through the gift of His Son, be anything but generous to your fellow men?" We should give out of our love for God for who He is, for what He's done for us through the gift of Christ, and out of obedience to His word.
If giving doesn't come easily, what can we do?
ASK FOR GOD'S HELP.
- He can make us sensitive to the needs of others and willing to help even if it means sacrificing something ourselves.
- He can give us both the substance and the spirit in which to give.
- He can help us direct our lives to eliminate needs rather than amassing possessions.
- He can help us to be content with less, so we are able to give more to others.
Then JUST DO IT! Giving gets easier and easier as it becomes a "habit", and it will bring great blessings.
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Now that our heart is ready to give...
GOD'S WORD TELLS US WHO WE SHOULD GIVE TO
- First, OUR FAMILY (I Timothy 5:8) - "But anyone who won't care for
his own relatives when they need help, especially those living in his own family, has no right to say he is a Christian. Such a person is worse than the heathen."
What does
"caring for our relatives when
they need help" really mean? I'd suggest that it be addressed on a case by case basis, using common sense, and prayer, keeping in mind the admonition discussed earlier that the recipient should praise God for our help, be accountable, and not have an easy time at our expense.
I think of the time when my husband and I had just graduated from college. We had almost no money and few luxuries. A brother-in-law who was an African missionary asked us for
support. We gave sacrificially out of our love for his wife and the thought that they were doing good
work. We found out that he had used our money to buy "toys" for himself at the expense of his family. We stopped giving to them, although it was a very hard decision.
On the
other hand, when my husband's oldest sister was widowed with a set of twins and triplets under the age of
five, we stepped in on a long term basis and in a major way. My husband has been like a father to the kids in terms of giving them time and guidance. We have also provided them with summer jobs and money for college. Never once have they taken us for granted. They have sweet spirits and grateful hearts.
The growth of the welfare state has supplanted the traditional role of the family in caring for its own. For example, how many of us have put our parents in a nursing home where
the tab is picked up by the government? How many of us have a relative on AFDC? I believe that the loss of a financial connection among family members often results in the loss of a
personal connection, to the detriment of all of us. Having Mom far away in a nursing home with all her bills taken care of makes it easy not to stay in touch or visit.
Having an unmarried niece with a child and all bills paid by AFDC and other government programs makes it easy for her to avoid personal responsibility and hard for the family to give guidance and appropriate "tough love". I don't think the "government as family" model is God's best for us. However, we're being taxed heavily for this "service", so it certainly makes personal economic sense to make use of it.
Many
Christians struggle mightily with how much money to give to their children or other relatives either while they're alive, or after they're dead. Although there are no easy or one-size-fits-all answers to this issue, I believe that giving family money much beyond what's needed to meet their Needs (not their wants) doesn't seem like good stewardship of what is essentially God's money.
- Second, we're to give in order to SPREAD THE GOSPEL.
- Third, I Timothy 5:17 tells us to give to CHRISTIAN WORK AND WORKERS
- And fourth, we're to give to THE POOR (Proverbs 28:27, Luke 14:12-14). In Matthew 24-25, it would appear that our first priority is
to help our Christian brothers and sisters. And most would argue that scripture calls for helping only the responsible poor.)
What about giving to other things? I believe we can and should give beyond these four areas if we have the means and believe it's what God would have us do. For example, I personally feel that
if there are
important needs in our community which are not being addressed by the churches and other faith-based programs, I should contribute to secular local organizations which do address them. My bias, however, is definitely toward faith-based programs.
As you think about your giving, there are a number of THINGS TO CONSIDER:
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR?
You might want to consider
writing your own eulogy, which will reveal how you want to be remembered. This will help you make the connection between financial planning, philanthropic planning, and life planning. Visualize what you'd like to accomplish with your money, with your giving, with your time, with your life. How do they interrelate?
I did this exercise at age 22 as part of a class on career and life planning, and melodramatically wrote: "Karol
was capable of doing anything she really wanted to do. She gave up a promising business career to spend her life doing God's will and devoting herself to mankind, giving away all of her money and all of herself to help others." You'll note that my concept of giving went beyond money : it included time and talent as well as treasure. This eulogy served as an important guide to how I would spend my life.
ALIGN YOUR GIVING WITH YOUR LIFE GOALS, PASSIONS/INTERESTS, GIFTS/
TALENTS You'll be the most satisfied and fulfilled if you are able to align your giving with your gifts, talents, passions and the way you're wired to do things and relate to people. If not, you may end up feeling tentative, less satisfied, or even that you've wasted your time.
- What goals do you believe God has in mind for you?
- What things are you interested in or passionate about?
One of my passions is helping people become all that
God has designed them to be. Have you ever seen someone teaching Sunday School who really isn't gifted to do it? But they might be perfect leading a Bible study, or building a Habitat for Humanity house. One of the things I invested time, talent and treasure in was the start-up of an institute which trains church volunteer leaders. It provides them with the tools they need to run the effort well, including ways to help people discover what ministries they're really SUPPOSED to be doing.
What about you? Visualize what you might be able to accomplish with your giving. And think about how you are uniquely wired.
- For example, if you're the entrepreneurial type, you'll probably be happiest giving to start-ups or new projects rather than writing a check to the general fund of a $100 million organization.
- If you're a change agent, give to people and organizations which are agents of change.
- If you're a pro-active kind of person, give pro-actively. If relational, find ways to make relationships a part of your giving.
- If "leveraging" your money is part of your mission, remember that a single person or missionary can reach hundreds of people, a single
organization thousands, and a model or idea that can be used by many organizations can reach millions. On the other hand, if that single missionary had been a Mother Theresa, millions would have been impacted, at least indirectly.
- Don't be afraid to be creative. Start small if you're concerned. Yes, you'll make mistakes. That's part of the learning process. Get your feet wet. And then take bigger and bigger steps.
Remember, however, that it should be:
GOD'S WORK, NOT YOUR WORK
Some people I know try to "use" organizations to further their own agendas rather than support what God
has called the organization to do. For example, they may give money for a project which is not a high priority or even on the radar screen of an organization. It's VERY hard for an organization to turn down money. It doesn't want to offend donors since they might not give future gifts. So it will usually accept whatever is given. However, a project won't succeed if the organization doesn't believe in it. Worse yet, doing the project could cause them to divert energy from their main agenda or even throw them way off course. In Roberta Ahmanson's words: "You can't use money to get people to do some-thing they do not really want to do and expect the project to succeed or be blessed" ..."When our purposes are our own, our efforts at best will be in vain. At worst, they are destructive and counter to God's purposes."
USE BOTH YOUR BRAIN AND YOUR HEART WHEN GIVING
Effective giving
comes from a combination of brain and heart - you need both. As a general rule, you should consider your giving deliberately and carefully, on a planned basis, rather than impulsively. For example, it's best not to pledge money over the phone or send off a check immediately in response to a tear-jerking letter. Take time to think and pray about your giving.
BE A SMART GIVER
- Become KNOWLEDGEABLE and do DUE DILIGENCE. In other words, "kick the tires" before you give much money to an organization. If you were buying a car, wouldn't you want to test
drive it, ask friends who have that model about their experience with it, and do some comparison shopping? If you're thinking of making a major donation, shouldn't you do at least
as much checking around? The amount of "homework" you should do will vary. It obviously doesn't make sense to spend a lot of time on a very small donation.
I've included a list of
"Questions To Ask Before
Giving To An Organization" as well as suggested "Due Diligence Steps" (see Appendix). These are just ideas - don't think you need to do them all! Following them won't ensure that everything will work out as expected, but it WILL reduce the probability of making dumb decisions.
After doing our homework, we still need to ask: "Does God want me to give to this person or organization, and if so, how much?"
- FOCUS your giving. There are many good causes and you can't support all of them. Consider focusing on a few categories which are important
to you, such as strengthening families, evangelism, relief/economic development, etc. And then, within each category, try to discover which organizations do the best job. If you have $10,000 to give, it makes a lot more sense to give 10 gifts of $1000 than 100 gifts of $100. Why? Fewer, but larger, gifts will enable you do to get more information, do better research and get more involved. It will be easier to see the impact of your giving. And you will be able to better react and respond to those who pressure you to give money to something you're not interested in funding.
- Giving effectively takes education, courage, commitment and time. And we all know there's never enough time! I try my best, but in the end, I really lean on God, trusting Him for the results.
Doing due diligence and using one's brain are great, but only up to a point. You also need to ACT WHEN PROMPTED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, responding when God presents an opportunity to serve Him
rather than putting it off. However, be careful that this "prompting" isn't the result of human pressure. Some organizations seem to be in a constant state of emergency. If
so, be concerned about how well-managed they are, or how ethical they are in communicating with you.
GOD'S WORK IS A TEAM SPORT
Don't be a lone wolf, unless you're sure
that's what God wants. I think giving is probably done best as part of the body - acting together and glorifying God together. Maybe you're the only one funding a project, but others can play a part in the strategizing, conceptualizing phase.
DON'T FORGET YOUR LOCAL CHURCH
How much you should give to your
local church isn't easy to answer. I'd suggest that it depends on the church's budget vs. your resources, how wisely it spends its money, and how well-developed or visionary its programs are.
NO ONE'S PERFECT, BUT GIVE ANYWAY.
Every organization and every
person you deal with will have what I call a "significant" weakness. Your job is to make sure it's a weakness you can live with. I promise you there will be times when you will be disappointed, and perhaps even disillusioned.
And remember, YOU'RE not perfect. You're going to make mistakes in your giving. That's OK. It's how you learn. If you wait for perfection in them or you, you'll never give anything to anyone.
And that's certainly not the right answer. We just need to do the best we can.
UNDERSTAND WHAT MOTIVATES WOMEN TO GIVE
As I was
preparing for this talk, I came across an interesting book by Sondra Shaw and Martha Taylor titled Reinventing Fundraising: Realizing the Potential of Women's Philanthropy. They were co-founders of the National Network on Women as Philanthropists and the Center for Women and Philanthropy at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. The research for their book consisted of interviews, focus groups and discussions with 150 women philanthropists and scores of development professionals, who were asked about their experiences with money and fundraising.
Although the book wasn't written from a Christian perspective, I found
most of it to be very applicable to those of us who are. As I thought about this research and the discussions I've had on this subject with men and women from across the country, I realized the importance of God's design. Of course, the most important part of God's design is that He's created each of us as UNIQUE individuals, designed to serve Him with our own combination of natural talents, interests and spiritual gifts. The combination of these unique gifts is what makes up the body of Christ. All of us are important if the body is to function effectively.
However, part of His design was to create us male AND female - not all
one or the other. And as we've all figured out by now, men and women are indeed different from each another; different, but equally valued by God. I think most of us really believe that. However, for a variety of reasons, when it comes to the issue of money, many women think that seeing things differently from men must mean they're "wrong." Well, they're not. They're just designed differently. My hope is that I can articulate and validate these differences, and help women recognize, understand and be encouraged by them.
The research done by Shaw and Taylor found that WOMEN ARE MOTIVATED BY:
- The ability to bring about change and make a difference. Causes which help others or make the world a better place are popular.
- The ability to create something. Many women regard their projects as they would their children in terms of long-term commitment and responsibility.
- The ability to feel connected to the organization they're giving to.
- The ability to celebrate what's been accomplished.
They found that WOMEN AND MEN TEND TO APPROACH GIVING DIFFERENTLY.
- Women are committed to giving, although their expression of this commitment has traditionally been through volunteer work.
- Women think in terms of collaboration, creating partnerships, sharing ideas, whereas evidence shows that men have more difficulty,
perhaps because they want to get credit for their ideas, protect their empires, etc.?
- Men can be motivated to give because of peer pressure, but that's usually ineffective with women. A better way is to ask a woman to join with others to make a difference.
- Once a man gives money, the process may end, whereas for a woman it is only the beginning.
- In my experience, men think in terms of doing big deals, creating big organizations, building big buildings - some might call it amassing or marking their territory. Women, on the other
hand, think more about people, about relationships, and are put off by funding buildings unless
they can see a clear link as to how the building will be used to specifically and tangibly help the people they want to serve.
- Women take a lot longer to make up their minds, and they're much more cautious. However, once committed to something, they tend to stay with it longer than a man might.
- Many men think in terms of statistics. Women want to hear stories,
or better yet, meet the people being served. While the men are asking about the numbers, the women are trying to get to know the heart of the executive director and the team doing the service.
- Women tend to give spontaneously when they're moved by an issue, rather than in a more planned, strategic way. I've found that effective giving requires both brain and heart.
- Women think philanthropy is a strange word, and doesn't describe what they do when they give money.
- Many women think that sitting around a table reviewing grant requests is too impersonal and analytical.
As I think about these differences, it occurs to me that where
possible and where it won't start the next world war, a husband and wife making the family's giving decisions as a team, rather than separately, ought to be much more effective because they'll be able to take advantage of each other's strengths and differences in perspective.
Despite the strengths women bring to the giving process, there are characteristics common to many women which present BARRIERS TO THEIR DEVELOPMENT AS PHILANTHROPISTS.
- First is fear of the future, or the "bag lady syndrome." As women age, they have an increasing fear that their money won't last and that they'll become bag ladies. As a result,
most are reluctant to give away their assets before they die, even if they're worth millions and
millions of dollars. For the same reason, many are reluctant to make pledges which commit them to give money several years into the future, even though this type of giving is a common way of raising money for major projects.
Dying with a lot of money that the government will just end up
confiscating isn't good stewardship. I'd encourage you to spend time reviewing your financial situation with a professional who understands your faith and stewardship values. You may learn that you have more than you think, and that there are ways to give while you're alive which will protect your income as you age.
- Second is unfamiliarity with financial matters. Many view anything
related to money as a "man's" thing. Even though nearly 90% of all women will be solely responsible for their finances at some point in their lives, only about 12% of women actually make their own investments.
- Third, many women view the family assets and income as "his" money
and see the stewardship of wealth as "his" obligation, and are therefore reluctant to take a pro-active, sizable role in giving. This can occur even in women employed outside the home if their husbands significantly out-earn them. They know it's irrational, especially if HE doesn't feel that way, but they find it hard to over-come. And because many men don't have the time or interest to be involved in philanthropy while in the midst of hectic careers, the family therefore gives much less than it is capable of doing. Other husband/wife issues include being on a different wavelength with respect to what to give to and how much to give?
- Fourth, many women don't want people to know they have money. They're concerned that their relationships may change if people find out
they have money. Many are afraid of being "hustled" by aggressive fund-raisers, and they may even fear for their physical safety if word gets out that they have money.
- Fifth, some hold religious beliefs that encourage anonymous giving. I'm all in favor of that, but you can become so anonymous that you're out of the information flow, which can hinder
wise giving decisions.
- Sixth, one of the best ways to learn about things is to ask questions. But many women are reluctant to do that in mixed groups;
they're worried about appearing to be stupid and want to learn in a "safer" environment.
- And finally, women are often cut out of the giving process by their spouse.
The attitude among many men, particularly those over 50, is: "I made
the money, so why should she be involved in giving it away?" Even after a husband dies, trustees and lawyers may try to control the giving, saying things like: "Your husband always gave to this." The women I've talked with aren't happy about the situation. They want to be part of the process, but don't know what to do about it. The good news is that this problem doesn't seem to be nearly as prevalent among younger couples, where relationships appear to be on much more of an equal footing.
I think it's interesting to note how DIFFERENTLY WOMEN AND MEN ARE
TREATED BY POTENTIAL RECIPIENTS. If you're married, you may have noticed that the verbal and non-verbal attention of some fund-raisers or executive directors of organizations is directed almost exclusively at your husband. As if you have no part in the family decision to give. Perhaps some of you have even experienced writing a check to an organization, and getting a receipt in your husband's name. In our family, we try to split up our workload. In the giving area, we've agreed that I will be the "point person." It doesn't take much background work to discover that getting to me is an important part of the equation for an organization looking for money from us. Those who insist on going to my husband are rarely successful because he's difficult to reach, and rarely agrees to meet with them since that's my job. If he has a weak moment and does agree to talk with them, he'll just turn over the materials and request he gets to me. In the meantime, I'm not happy that they haven't done their homework on us, and will probably put their request at the bottom of the pile, unless I believe it's something God really wants me to take a look at.
If you are not married and getting on in years, you may have the
opposite problem: too much attention. I have visions of myself as a little old lady 25 or 30 years from now, with a steady stream of very nice, very handsome young men making their way to my door, telling me what great things God will be able to do with my money. How many of you have heard someone say:" I've prayed about this and feel God would want you to support this project" and been pretty sure that it wasn't really God talking? Worse yet is what happened to one of my acquaintances who was accosted by a fund-raiser before her husband's body was even cold. He said something like "your husband would really have wanted you to fund this." Some women even find themselves confronted with "he promised us he'd do this", or even worse, "we'll take you to court if you don't pay up." Unfortunately, many of us will become more vulnerable as we age. A charismatic, attentive and pressuring CEO or fund-raiser can be hard for anyone to resist, let alone someone who's a little lonely or with a personality which is eager to please. Having a more formal giving process, even one which includes trusted friends in the decision-making, might make a lot of sense at some point for many of us.
As I think about all of this, I love the fact that we're part of a body made up of different parts, that each part is needed, and that each part needs to be functioning effectively if the
whole body is to function well.
I'm grateful that He loves each of us, and has designed us to have a special relationship to Him - serving Him in a way that is uniquely our own based on how He has created us.
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APPENDIX
QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE GIVING TO A SPECIFIC ORGANIZATION
- Do I support its mission? Its goals? Its approach? Are they clear?
For example, let's assume you want to support something in the pro-life area. There are lots of things to consider and many organizations to choose from. Some provide legal assistance to states, others do lobbying, and still others run crisis pregnancy centers. Some are confrontational and others work behind the scenes.
- Is it addressing a relevant and significant need? Better yet, is it strategic?
- Does its work "make a difference"?
- Is it ministering in areas (e.g. type of ministry, geography) where the Holy Spirit appears to be moving?
- Does its work provide long-term benefits, or just band aids? (note that this is a tough issue - there may be a place every once in a while for a band aid, e.g. short term starvation in Africa)
- Is it effective? Is it at least as good as others in the field? Does
it duplicate what others are doing? Does it work cooperatively with other Christian organizations to trade ideas, ensure that unnecessary duplication isn't occurring, to determine whether any synergy exists, etc. Or is it a lone wolf?
- It may make sense for you to educate yourself on an entire area of concern so that you understand all the players, what's critical, etc.
- Is God blessing its work? Is it growing?
- Is its leadership Godly, perhaps even "anointed" by God? Competent to run the organization and carry out its goals? Humble? Willing to partner?
- Are its goals achievable? Does it have the organizational structure, fund-raising capabilities, systems, budget control, and people to support its plan?
- How will my money be used? Will it serve God's purposes? Will it be used wisely? Are they good stewards of God's money?
- Will my gift "make a difference"? I'm not saying don't give to
something like Focus on the Family which has a $100 million budget. But think about being part of something smaller and more entrepreneurial once in a while where the leader has vision, passion, energy. For example, there may be a terrific project in your local community or church where a great deal can be accomplished with a relatively small amount of money.
- Does the organization really need my money or can they get it elsewhere?
- Will my gift help or hurt? Money itself may not be the answer, or it
may be just part of the answer. In fact, giving money may be the WRONG thing to the extent it allows an organization to avoid facing a painful or necessary issue. Or it may keep a project or an organization alive when it really ought to die because its purposes have been accomplished, or because it's not doing a good job.
- Is the organization respectful of its donors, or does it "use" them?
Do you feel like they're thinking "How can we get more money out of this woman so she does our project?" Do they pressure you? Is their correspondence addressed to your husband even though you're the one who signs the checks and perhaps even makes the decisions? Do they always ask to see your husband first and treat you as if you weren't important?
DOING DUE DILIGENCE = "CHECKING IT OUT"
- Is the organization a member of ECFA or another accountability group created to ensure ethical fund-raising and administration practices among those it rates?
- Ask to see an annual report including detailed financials and READ
them. You should do this even for small gifts. Look to see how the money is actually spent compared to how the organization says it's spending money.
For larger gifts, also ask for an audit report and read the footnotes. Although having audited financials is an important safeguard, there is no guarantee auditors will catch everything.
Fraud is especially difficult to spot in the near term.
In some cases, it may make sense to review IRS Form 990. By law, this form is public information and must be available for review at the
organization's offices. The organization is not required to send it to you. It is also available for a nominal fee at the state attorney general's office or the charities registration office. Note that many organizations surveyed by Christianity today are unaware of this legal requirement, so don't get too bent out of shape if they give you a hard time initially.
If an organization refuses to show you ANY financials, DON'T GIVE THEM MONEY!
- Look at the percentage of expenses devoted to administration and
fundraising. As a general rule, the lower the better, although start-ups will likely be high initially (e.g. ask lots of questions if it's over 40%, and 25-30% is lots better. Fund-raising piece should be under 25-30%).
- What is the organization's overall financial condition? Does it have
a lot, or even too much, money in the bank? If so, it may be raising more money than it needs (recent story of Boys Town, I believe). Does it look like it's teetering on the edge? (That's not necessarily bad - it may be keeping them on their toes).
- What is the organization's track record of results?
- Is it growing or shrinking and why?
- Board of Directors - Are there independent "outsiders"? They can
play a useful watchdog and counseling role, and can help ensure that the executive director doesn't get the "CEO disease" (arrogance, sense of infallibility, etc.)
- What are its sources of funding and who are its major donors?
- Do on-site tire-kicking whenever you can. Better yet, get on the inside through volunteering, going on "vision trip",etc.
Others (not easy to assess):
- Strengths and weaknesses
- How well does it know and serve its customers?
- Management
- Turnover, amount of change and why
- Does CEO live and spend lavishly? etc.
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